This past weekend I went to a wedding... not my ideal event to attend. Unfortunately... I am far to cynical. Don't get me wrong... I pray that the vows I witnessed withstand the test of time.. that Lacey & David will continue to grow together and appreciate each other... With God's help and guidance, they can make it... only time will tell.
As I was listening to the vows.. I was thinking to myself how much I appreciate the OLD traditional vows.. to have and to hold.. to love and to honor... to obey.. for richer and poorer... this wedding did not contain that... but instead a short version not mentioning the specifics that the traditional vows did. I was disappointed by that... but then again... mine were tradition (so many years ago, with the exception of the obey part) and look where that got me.
Anyway... there were two "quotes" I heard during the evening (not from the bride or groom) which got me thinking...
1) "The more beautiful they are... the bitchier they are." I swear... if I had a mouthful of liquid in my mouth at that moment, it would have shot across the room. Keep in mind that one of the reasons I found this comment to be hysterical is the fact (that in my opinion), I am a far stretch from beautiful. I believe that one of the things I have learned in the last 12 years since my divorce is that even if a man may believe that to be true (that prettier girls are bitches), it doesn't make a difference. They will still endure a horrible relationship with a "gorgeous" girl instead of taking time to look past the outer shell. But then again... I have no desire to be with a man who is shallow enough to only care about the outside... But hearing a man (one whom I hold in high regard) say that just hit me silly.. I wanted to turn to him and say "Duh, Stupid".
2) "She knew that when I married her, now she expects me to change". WOW... this alone is deserving of its own blog... so I will spend the rest of my evening pondering... why would you marry someone with an expectation that you can get them to change??? Why marry someone that you aren't 100% certain that you can live with any preexisting quirks? How can someone marry someone with hopes of changing that person and not realize that the other partner may not be secretly thinking the same about them? Isn't hoping for that change after the vows a recipe for disaster??
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Free will... how is that working for us?
One of the things that God provided us was the ability to exercise free will... to make our own decisions ... I can't help but wonder if that was truly a good thing. One look around makes me believe that free will may actually be detrimental to the human race. Every little choice we make changes our world.. and the world of those around us... if even just a little.
It isn't so much the little choices that I am talking about... the fill up the gas tank now or later... the pizza or fish for dinner... the call in sick or go to work calls... tho all of those impact our lives. Instead... for me.. the decision that I personally find frustrating is the decision to be a productive member of our world. In my opinion, more and more people are choosing not to be... and in the process are taking this world screaming down a slippery slope.
In my job, everyday I witness parents who exercise free will and reproduce time and again without any intention of taking a active role in their child's life. Unfortunately, this problem has continued to increase at an alarming rate. I am not talking about "deadbeat dads", as that is no longer an accurate label.. I am talking about deadbeat PARENTS. This is not a gender issue... it is a full blown societal issue.
It has been my experience that more and more adults are having children, multiple children by multiple partners with little or no intention of taking any sort of role in that child's life. I don't personally believe that a couple should automatically marry due to the birth of a child, however I do believe that as a parent, marriage or not, there is a certain level of responsibility that should be exercised and that every child brought into this world should be able to expect to be loved, support (both financially and emotionally), and kept safe from harm. Tragically, in my opinion most children born today are not going to have those expectations met.
I was fortunate, raised in a middle class home with parents who not only loved each other but loved each of their children. They expected and earned the respect of their children and in return supported, loved, and taught their children how to thrive in the world. My parents were willing to do anything it took to support their family. There were many times that my father worked long hours at multiple jobs completing whatever tasks necessary to meet his obligations. Back then... there wasn't any other option. My mother was 16 when my oldest sister was born. My father didn't run.. didn't slack on his obligations. No, they married and from that day forward honored their vows to one another and busted their a$$ to support their family. In the process, they lead by example and taught each of their children valuable lessons. Of their children, 2 joined the military, none ever collected unemployment, and there have been no children born out of wedlock. I dare you to find many families like that now. To be fair... the one place where each of us failed in was following the example of marriage.. as we have all been divorced... that is a sad side note.
Move forward to today where the divorce rate is staggering and more children are born out of wedlock than ever before... add to that the increased number of teen pregnancy and it is a recipe for disaster. At what point did this become "acceptable" by our society? At what point did parents begin to fail their children by not holding them to the standards that previous generations had worked hard to establish? At what point did we as a society choose to let our children off the hook and slack on their responsibilities?
This topic will surely continue.. just wanted to post this one for now..
It isn't so much the little choices that I am talking about... the fill up the gas tank now or later... the pizza or fish for dinner... the call in sick or go to work calls... tho all of those impact our lives. Instead... for me.. the decision that I personally find frustrating is the decision to be a productive member of our world. In my opinion, more and more people are choosing not to be... and in the process are taking this world screaming down a slippery slope.
In my job, everyday I witness parents who exercise free will and reproduce time and again without any intention of taking a active role in their child's life. Unfortunately, this problem has continued to increase at an alarming rate. I am not talking about "deadbeat dads", as that is no longer an accurate label.. I am talking about deadbeat PARENTS. This is not a gender issue... it is a full blown societal issue.
It has been my experience that more and more adults are having children, multiple children by multiple partners with little or no intention of taking any sort of role in that child's life. I don't personally believe that a couple should automatically marry due to the birth of a child, however I do believe that as a parent, marriage or not, there is a certain level of responsibility that should be exercised and that every child brought into this world should be able to expect to be loved, support (both financially and emotionally), and kept safe from harm. Tragically, in my opinion most children born today are not going to have those expectations met.
I was fortunate, raised in a middle class home with parents who not only loved each other but loved each of their children. They expected and earned the respect of their children and in return supported, loved, and taught their children how to thrive in the world. My parents were willing to do anything it took to support their family. There were many times that my father worked long hours at multiple jobs completing whatever tasks necessary to meet his obligations. Back then... there wasn't any other option. My mother was 16 when my oldest sister was born. My father didn't run.. didn't slack on his obligations. No, they married and from that day forward honored their vows to one another and busted their a$$ to support their family. In the process, they lead by example and taught each of their children valuable lessons. Of their children, 2 joined the military, none ever collected unemployment, and there have been no children born out of wedlock. I dare you to find many families like that now. To be fair... the one place where each of us failed in was following the example of marriage.. as we have all been divorced... that is a sad side note.
Move forward to today where the divorce rate is staggering and more children are born out of wedlock than ever before... add to that the increased number of teen pregnancy and it is a recipe for disaster. At what point did this become "acceptable" by our society? At what point did parents begin to fail their children by not holding them to the standards that previous generations had worked hard to establish? At what point did we as a society choose to let our children off the hook and slack on their responsibilities?
This topic will surely continue.. just wanted to post this one for now..
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Proud to be his Mom...
This blog isn't what I had anticipated writing tonight... I had actually had a blog brewing/festering in my head all day today... but life sometimes takes an unexpected turn... and sometimes those turns are well worth the detour...
This evening my son JP and I went to my best friends house to celebrate her son Aaron's 17Th birthday (Say it isn't so) with our wonderful HUGE group of friends. This group of friends, we have been together for years... our lives intertwine in unexpected ways... and all though we don't always agree or share the same philosophy, we are 100% supportive. One of the greatest advantages of having such an involved large group of friends is that you grow together and the bonds strengthen over time... and our children form strong bonds which we hope will last a life time. Our kids range in age... 17 all the way down to 3 months (and one on the way) and each of these kids are wonderful, energetic, and unique in their own way.
During this gathering this evening, my son brought to my attention that he was upset by the way that one of the other kids (K) in our group is bullied at school. It was the first time that he had mentioned it to me, and since JP isn't one to tell tales and was honestly upset about it, I was very alarmed. After whispering to me about this for a few moments, I encouraged him to consider speaking privately with his (K's) mom my friend (J) and share with her what he has witnessing. Yes, I knew I could have easily have gone to J myself and shared what I had been told by my son, but I felt that the impact would be more helpful if JP took the action upon himself. I am proud to say that he did speak with J and that he has further decided that he feels he needs to speak with the Principal directly regarding this.
On our way home, I expressed to JP just how proud I am of him. See, JP himself has had a history of being bullied due to his short stature. Perhaps, that actually is what has made him take notice of what K has had to endure. This unexpected development has displayed to me just how much JP has begun to mature. He is truly beginning to take notice of things that are going on around him, and I can only hope and pray that he will continue to stand up for what is right without regard to what others may think of him.
I am proud of him... and always will be.
This evening my son JP and I went to my best friends house to celebrate her son Aaron's 17Th birthday (Say it isn't so) with our wonderful HUGE group of friends. This group of friends, we have been together for years... our lives intertwine in unexpected ways... and all though we don't always agree or share the same philosophy, we are 100% supportive. One of the greatest advantages of having such an involved large group of friends is that you grow together and the bonds strengthen over time... and our children form strong bonds which we hope will last a life time. Our kids range in age... 17 all the way down to 3 months (and one on the way) and each of these kids are wonderful, energetic, and unique in their own way.
During this gathering this evening, my son brought to my attention that he was upset by the way that one of the other kids (K) in our group is bullied at school. It was the first time that he had mentioned it to me, and since JP isn't one to tell tales and was honestly upset about it, I was very alarmed. After whispering to me about this for a few moments, I encouraged him to consider speaking privately with his (K's) mom my friend (J) and share with her what he has witnessing. Yes, I knew I could have easily have gone to J myself and shared what I had been told by my son, but I felt that the impact would be more helpful if JP took the action upon himself. I am proud to say that he did speak with J and that he has further decided that he feels he needs to speak with the Principal directly regarding this.
On our way home, I expressed to JP just how proud I am of him. See, JP himself has had a history of being bullied due to his short stature. Perhaps, that actually is what has made him take notice of what K has had to endure. This unexpected development has displayed to me just how much JP has begun to mature. He is truly beginning to take notice of things that are going on around him, and I can only hope and pray that he will continue to stand up for what is right without regard to what others may think of him.
I am proud of him... and always will be.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Society... oh what a mess
Warning.. this may offend... so read understanding that this is MY opinion, which I am entitled to have and voice... and you are able to chose to stop reading now...
Today there were many news articles today regarding the number of americans that rely on Food Stamps to meet their food needs.... The food stamp program was created to assist americans in obtaining the food needed for survival. The concept itself was not only noble but certainly necessary as the number of hungry continues to climb. Unfortunately.. the climb has continued even with this assistance program... and as the report indicated Missouri is number one when it comes to the number of applicants.
In my opinion, there are two categories of recipients. 1) Those who through no fault of their own have found them selves in a temporary position of hardship and must rely on the government to assist them in meeting their needs. 2) Those who continue to repeat the cycle of "entitlement" who believe that it is the governments duty to support them while they continue to contribute little to our society.
To complicate matters, this country is currently experiencing one of the most difficult economic times since the depression. The numbers of individuals who have found themselves unexpectedly unemployed and as a result unable (notice I did NOT say unwilling) to support themselves and their families. To compound the problem, mortgage rates are incredibly high and there is no certainty as to when our economic situation as a country will begin to recover. It is because of this, that I believe so many people have found themselves in Category 1, relying on the government not by choice but out of necessity.
Category 2 however is a completely different matter, and in my opinion the largest category. As a country, we have allowed a growing population of people to grow, those who believe that they are "entitled" to whatever they can lie, cheat, steal, and rob to get their hands on. For them, it is a choice. They do not have the motivation to improve their lives through hard work. Instead, they continue to make the same poor choices and expect the government to give them a hand out. Sadly, I am referring to individuals here. I am referring to families who lead by example and teach their children to continue the cycle.
It is no surprise to me that Missouri is labeled as #1... it is a very sad label and one that should not bring pride to anyone who resides here. This state appears to have (based on my experience) a very large population of lazy unmotivated people who would rather figure out ways to defraud, steal, and rob than to be contributors to our state... thus our country.
People of this country better wake up...
Today there were many news articles today regarding the number of americans that rely on Food Stamps to meet their food needs.... The food stamp program was created to assist americans in obtaining the food needed for survival. The concept itself was not only noble but certainly necessary as the number of hungry continues to climb. Unfortunately.. the climb has continued even with this assistance program... and as the report indicated Missouri is number one when it comes to the number of applicants.
In my opinion, there are two categories of recipients. 1) Those who through no fault of their own have found them selves in a temporary position of hardship and must rely on the government to assist them in meeting their needs. 2) Those who continue to repeat the cycle of "entitlement" who believe that it is the governments duty to support them while they continue to contribute little to our society.
To complicate matters, this country is currently experiencing one of the most difficult economic times since the depression. The numbers of individuals who have found themselves unexpectedly unemployed and as a result unable (notice I did NOT say unwilling) to support themselves and their families. To compound the problem, mortgage rates are incredibly high and there is no certainty as to when our economic situation as a country will begin to recover. It is because of this, that I believe so many people have found themselves in Category 1, relying on the government not by choice but out of necessity.
Category 2 however is a completely different matter, and in my opinion the largest category. As a country, we have allowed a growing population of people to grow, those who believe that they are "entitled" to whatever they can lie, cheat, steal, and rob to get their hands on. For them, it is a choice. They do not have the motivation to improve their lives through hard work. Instead, they continue to make the same poor choices and expect the government to give them a hand out. Sadly, I am referring to individuals here. I am referring to families who lead by example and teach their children to continue the cycle.
It is no surprise to me that Missouri is labeled as #1... it is a very sad label and one that should not bring pride to anyone who resides here. This state appears to have (based on my experience) a very large population of lazy unmotivated people who would rather figure out ways to defraud, steal, and rob than to be contributors to our state... thus our country.
People of this country better wake up...
Monday, May 11, 2009
Comedy or Tragedy... escapism
Thank Heavens for Monday nights... it is what actually gets me through Mondays.. to know that after spending hours at work I get to come home and share a solid 30 minutes with my son consumed with laughter as we watch Big Bang.. it truly is the highlight of my week. Unfortunately, tonight's episode was the season finale... dang it... after laughing for 30 minutes my son looks at me with a straight face and says "Your Mondays are gonna suck now"... oh how right he is. :(
Escapism.. I guess that is what that 30 minutes is for me... escaping from the doldrums of everyday life into a world much funnier.... wittier.. than mine. A case of fabulous characters who do things/say things/think things that I can only imagine doing... if I had the sense of humor... the courage... the comedic timing...
In the world we live in.... escapism has its advantages and I will take part whenever the opportunity arises.. whether it be a funny show like Big Bang... or a romantic comedy (I can only take those in VERY small doses).
If only the whole world was a sitcom... which character would you be?
(As I type this.. I hear my son laughing in his room as he is watching George Lopez... laughter is good for the soul... especially when it is the laughter of your child). I will sleep well tonight :)
Escapism.. I guess that is what that 30 minutes is for me... escaping from the doldrums of everyday life into a world much funnier.... wittier.. than mine. A case of fabulous characters who do things/say things/think things that I can only imagine doing... if I had the sense of humor... the courage... the comedic timing...
In the world we live in.... escapism has its advantages and I will take part whenever the opportunity arises.. whether it be a funny show like Big Bang... or a romantic comedy (I can only take those in VERY small doses).
If only the whole world was a sitcom... which character would you be?
(As I type this.. I hear my son laughing in his room as he is watching George Lopez... laughter is good for the soul... especially when it is the laughter of your child). I will sleep well tonight :)
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Choices...
Choices... those opportunities in life in which we make individual decisions which may effect our lives forever. The choice to join the military, the choice to marry and to whom, the choice to have children and how many, the choice as to who you want in your life, and most importantly the choice on whether you embrace happiness or hide from it... or even... the choice to not make a choice...
Choice is a debate that my best friend Carrie and I have had on numerous occassions. You see, she is Tigger... and I am Eeyore. She is the constant optimist, always sees the silver lining in every part of her life... she is happy by nature (I believe) tho she says she is happy by choice. She believes that I have made a choice to be Eeyore... the negative half empty kinda gal. If you happened to have watched the Michael J. Fox special that aired last week on tv, you would have seen not only stories of people like Carrie who have this incredible ability of optimism, but you would have also seen that studies prove that there is in fact a genetic component of optimism.
I personally believe that except for a minority (like Carrie), optimism is something that is strongly tied to genetics. That being said, I will agree that it can be learned, taught, and embraced. I unfortunately am not the greatest student in this area.
I don't recall being negative growing up, I believe I saw the world in a positive light. Unfortunately, choices I made in my life led me to a point where negativity has taken a strong hold. My career choice has certainly played a huge factor in making me cynical, judgmental, and overall rather negative.
I am in fact a true Eeyore. I tend to concentrate on the negative... at least when it comes to me personally. I am not overly optimistic and struggle with this aspect of my life. However, I find it very very easy to be optimistic for those in my life. When someone I care about is down or going through a terrible time... I find it easy to support them and point out the positive in any given situation. The irony of this is not lost on me. I honestly wish that I was capable of having that optimistic ability when reflecting on my own life. Alas, as I said, I am not a good student in this area.
I can only imagine how frustrated many of my friends become (especially Carrie) in my continued negative prespective... it takes a whole lot of effort on my part to be positive... to make that choice... I wish it came easier to me.. I often promise myself that I will make more of an effort.. tho I tend to fall short... all I can do is keep trying...
Choice is a debate that my best friend Carrie and I have had on numerous occassions. You see, she is Tigger... and I am Eeyore. She is the constant optimist, always sees the silver lining in every part of her life... she is happy by nature (I believe) tho she says she is happy by choice. She believes that I have made a choice to be Eeyore... the negative half empty kinda gal. If you happened to have watched the Michael J. Fox special that aired last week on tv, you would have seen not only stories of people like Carrie who have this incredible ability of optimism, but you would have also seen that studies prove that there is in fact a genetic component of optimism.
I personally believe that except for a minority (like Carrie), optimism is something that is strongly tied to genetics. That being said, I will agree that it can be learned, taught, and embraced. I unfortunately am not the greatest student in this area.
I don't recall being negative growing up, I believe I saw the world in a positive light. Unfortunately, choices I made in my life led me to a point where negativity has taken a strong hold. My career choice has certainly played a huge factor in making me cynical, judgmental, and overall rather negative.
I am in fact a true Eeyore. I tend to concentrate on the negative... at least when it comes to me personally. I am not overly optimistic and struggle with this aspect of my life. However, I find it very very easy to be optimistic for those in my life. When someone I care about is down or going through a terrible time... I find it easy to support them and point out the positive in any given situation. The irony of this is not lost on me. I honestly wish that I was capable of having that optimistic ability when reflecting on my own life. Alas, as I said, I am not a good student in this area.
I can only imagine how frustrated many of my friends become (especially Carrie) in my continued negative prespective... it takes a whole lot of effort on my part to be positive... to make that choice... I wish it came easier to me.. I often promise myself that I will make more of an effort.. tho I tend to fall short... all I can do is keep trying...
Friday, May 8, 2009
Inspirations... they are everywhere..
We are not alone in this life... we are not islands with the soft gentle waves protecting us... each of us make contact with hundreds of people each and every day. Somedays.... that contact is limited to eye contact as you are stopped at a light in your car next to a complete stranger... other times it is the simple gester of opening the door for someone who is unknown to you... or sometimes so personal as a deep conversation with someone you love... sometimes those encounters are truly inspirational. I doubt that any of us can possibly realize the impact that in turn we have on the lives of others...
Over the last few days, I have seen news coverage of a woman by the name of Connie Culp. In 2004, her husband in an attempted murder suicide shot her in the face. They both survived. He was sentenced to prison (he is due to be released in 2 years) and she was permanently horrifically damaged. She lost her nose, her sense of smell, her ability to eat. Yet amazingly to me, she has not only survived, she has thrived. She has forgiven and 5 months ago was the first person in the US to receive a full facial transplant.
As I follow her story, I am sad, angry, shocked, amazed and most importantly inspired. I am sad that another human being could have done this to her. Angry that he received such a light sentence in my opinion, and shocked that she has had to endure so much. I am amazed at the miracle of the medical care she received yet comforted in the belief that God has been with her every step of the way. I am inspired by her ability to forgive and embrace life and continue to move forward in ways that I don't know that I could.
I will never know her... she only became known to me because of media coverage... but she has inspired me. If you haven't read her story, seen the incredible pictures I urge you to do so... she will inspire you too.
Over the last few days, I have seen news coverage of a woman by the name of Connie Culp. In 2004, her husband in an attempted murder suicide shot her in the face. They both survived. He was sentenced to prison (he is due to be released in 2 years) and she was permanently horrifically damaged. She lost her nose, her sense of smell, her ability to eat. Yet amazingly to me, she has not only survived, she has thrived. She has forgiven and 5 months ago was the first person in the US to receive a full facial transplant.
As I follow her story, I am sad, angry, shocked, amazed and most importantly inspired. I am sad that another human being could have done this to her. Angry that he received such a light sentence in my opinion, and shocked that she has had to endure so much. I am amazed at the miracle of the medical care she received yet comforted in the belief that God has been with her every step of the way. I am inspired by her ability to forgive and embrace life and continue to move forward in ways that I don't know that I could.
I will never know her... she only became known to me because of media coverage... but she has inspired me. If you haven't read her story, seen the incredible pictures I urge you to do so... she will inspire you too.
The learning curve
I have discovered that being able to put my thoughts down in writing, is a huge tool for me. Just getting the thoughts out of my head (whether they are actually read or not) seems to help me digest things and improves my sense of well being. It allows me to take a step back and look at things from a distance.
After some people (Thanks Carrie & Stevie) have expressed their belief in my abilities. That after reading my few blogs on my myspace page, that they believe I have a talent with the written word. I have always been a reader and have secretly dreamed of writing to an audience. I have decided that starting a daily blog may be the best course of action for me to take to discover whether I can truly reach my dream of writing a book.
I anticipate that this blog will be filled with so many different topics... depending on the day... my mood... and the things that are going on around me. I hope that those in my life may find it interesting and a good way to take a peak into my head on a regular basis. Some of you may find that I am writing about YOU... but I promise that when possible or irrelevant, I will allow specific names to go without mention. It is my hope that I can/will find the time daily to open the door into my world to each of you and invite you in. To show you a glimpse into my perspective on things and share this journey with you.
I hope that you will enjoy this journey with me... it is certainly a learning curve.
After some people (Thanks Carrie & Stevie) have expressed their belief in my abilities. That after reading my few blogs on my myspace page, that they believe I have a talent with the written word. I have always been a reader and have secretly dreamed of writing to an audience. I have decided that starting a daily blog may be the best course of action for me to take to discover whether I can truly reach my dream of writing a book.
I anticipate that this blog will be filled with so many different topics... depending on the day... my mood... and the things that are going on around me. I hope that those in my life may find it interesting and a good way to take a peak into my head on a regular basis. Some of you may find that I am writing about YOU... but I promise that when possible or irrelevant, I will allow specific names to go without mention. It is my hope that I can/will find the time daily to open the door into my world to each of you and invite you in. To show you a glimpse into my perspective on things and share this journey with you.
I hope that you will enjoy this journey with me... it is certainly a learning curve.
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